Last Updated: December 21, 2017, 3:51 pm

The Skewed Review: Halloween activities limited in St. George


The lack of truly frightening activities in this town will mean I might have to seek out my seasonal fun somewhere else. 

“Fun for the whole family” is nice sometimes, but sometimes I just want to be an adult and have adult fun. I’m not speaking of that kind of adult activity.

I’m talking about going to a Halloween costume party where there aren’t a bunch of 18-year-old, fresh-out-of-high-school fools running around. I’d perhaps like to take in a haunted attraction that isn’t plowed into a field and features a witch running around with a wagon. Maybe it’d be fun to attend a midnight screening of “The Rocky Horror Picture Show” in my finest fishnets and stilettos. 

Well, until last year, at least one of those was available to us Halloween-loving adults without children. But I just got off the phone with someone at the Red Cliffs Cinema and found out “Rocky Horror” will no longer be shown on Halloween. 

So that leaves me, the Halloking, with the The Rush, The Field of Screams and “Insidious: Chapter 2” (the only scary film in theaters). 

I don’t know what the reasoning is behind removing “Rocky Horror” from the events list. But the responsible party gets a review of a whole holiday having to do everything except the one thing that makes said holiday special for said party. 

Of course I have nothing against Rush or Field of Screams. They’re both fine places to have a good, clean, LDS-oriented time. But I can only handle so much of that before I want to experience a real scare and a real party. 

I think those capable of putting together something for adults only are running into two issues: First, they’re afraid they’ll miss out on money. If the event isn’t available to all family members, then how can money be made? 

Well, people like me would attend. I can’t be the only one who’d like to do something without a teenager or toddler getting in the way. 

Second, ridiculous codes and ridiculous politicians exist in this city to block anything they even perceive as being not family friendly. Well, there’s only one thing we can do about that, and that’s vote the suckers out. 

Unfortunately, Halloween is Thursday. I can only hope next year we’ll have someone who’s willing to extend the local economy to adults. But before then, the options for this season are kind of limited. 

This city’s Halloween options leave me with no choice but to offer up a bad review. St. George will hence forth be known as the town from “Footloose.” 

Oh, people already call it that? Well, my work here is done, then. 

It’s time we start demanding our city allow us to have the kind of Halloween we want. For many of you, St. George offers exactly what you’re looking for. But for many of us, it doesn’t. 

Happy Halloween. Have fun running through the corn maze.