Last Updated: December 21, 2017, 3:51 pm

The Skewed Review: Frivolous wars are pointless


War. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. 

Yet, I see wars started all around me every day. Sure, there are wars where something was supposed to be accomplished, like the war in Afghanistan. There are wars where it seems there’s just no point, like the holy wars raging on the Gaza strip. 

Then there are the wars that consume every college student on Twitter and Facebook every day. Those are the wars that are apparently worth fighting until the bitter end. 

I saw Britney Spears’ new single, “Work Bitch,” was leaked on the Internet. Buzzfeed featured it on its website. So I decided to have a listen. It wasn’t bad. It was pretty catchy, even. It wasn’t anything to write home to mom about, but then again, neither are the latest singles by Lady Gaga or Katy Perry. 

I’d give “Work Bitch” a four out of five drunken nights on the dance floor. It’s a good review if that’s your thing. 

But just below the leaked song there was gif of a sultry-looking Miss Spears in between two burning records: One was Perry’s “Roar,” and the other was Lady Gaga’s “Applause.” The overall insinuation was “Work Bitch” was going to basically torch the other two top-selling singles. 

That could be true. But from the comments section, you’d think the No. 1 selling song on iTunes was going to dictate human rights or taxes. 

The whole comments section is, in one form or another, an argument for one of the two artists. Britney is better than Gaga. Gaga is better than Britney. You can only like one. If you like one then you must hate the other. 

On Twitter, the battle rages on. @BadKidNilo tweets: “RT for Lady Gaga’s Applause. FAV for Britney Spears’ Work Bitch.” @HausOfEllis tweets: “Work Bitch has passed Applause on iTunes… What is actually wrong with the GP. First Roar now this? I guess they like s— music.”

These are the things people are finding important. These are the things people are taking time out of their lives to complain about anonymously on the Internet.

The dumbest part about this whole thing is people take it seriously. They feel they must defend their favorite artist, and leave no offensive slang or slur unused.

Wars like these rage on for any type of musician people perceive to be competition with their favorite artist. It’s such an odd phenomenon. The weird thing is I don’t see this type of battle going on in other areas of media. 

Do people who love “Big Bang Theory” hate people who love “How I Met Your Mother?” Do Chopin fans despise Beethoven enthusiasts? If you’re a fan of Van Gogh, do you have to be repulsed by Toulouse-Lautrec? If your favorite color is blue, must you wage war against all those who love orange? 

What a waste! Instead of appreciating the art of music and realizing these similar artists are making similar music, Tweetards are spending precious few moments on arbitrary arguments against artists that in the end mean nothing.

I’m giving all these Facebook facepalmers 30 days in Syria. When they come back (if they come back), maybe they’ll have a new appreciation for what’s really important.

My hope is that we all realize what’s important in the world. We must take silly things like iTunes singles with a grain of salt. We must put time and effort into things that really matter: love, friendships, family, religion, education. Go feed the hungry. Go shelter the homeless. Listen to the music, but don’t waste your time debating on whether Gaga’s “Applause” should be No. 1 on the charts.

Don’t waste your time there, but do take a moment and follow The Skewed Review on Twitter @TheSkewedReview. While you’re at it, go ahead and “like” it at