Last Updated: December 21, 2017, 3:49 pm

To Boldly Go: Lying, cheating, bluffing are best ways to get ahead

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I am a conman.

I have been successfully running a confidence scam for most of my adult life. Not only has it made me successful, but it has also made me happy. This confidence scam can do the same for you.

Today I am the poster girl for perfection, but I wasn’t always as stunningly marvelous as I am now. 

In the uncomfortably close past of my high school career, I was shy. I was mediocre in every sense of the word. Everything about my appearance and demeanor made me blend into the background, and I hated it. I longed to belong in the spotlight. I longed to unleash the confident, capable, creative kid I felt growing restless inside of me.

Finally, after a partially suppressed and heart-wrenching episode when Prince Charming passed over me for Cruella Deville, I snapped. I’d had enough! I plotted and practiced and finally, after long hours of scheming, my confidence scam was born.

I attained my current status of gorgeous, successful and brilliant demi-goddess only after lying, cheating and bluffing my way to the top. I left my mild, mediocre days moldering in the past, and you should too.

Life is meant to be lived and enjoyed.

Famous novelist Jack London put it perfectly: “I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry-rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.”

Every moment should be savored and used, or the potential in life is wasted. 

If you are passing the hours and leaving the minutes untasted and unused, then I have some bad news.

You are a sleepy, dryly-rotting and barely-existing pile of dust. You are wasting away, and your life is too. 

My scam is for you.

The first step in finding more life is lying. 

You lie to yourself. You tell yourself that you are capable, smart and good-looking.  You tell yourself that you are the type of person who lives a life of adventure and meaning. You tell yourself that your dreams can come true, and you say your dream, over and over, until it is burned into your mind.

You repeat this lie over and over in every thought until it sticks. Through repetition, you grow to believe this lie and you want to make it true. Like one lie leads to another, lying leads to the next step.

Step two in my life-scam is cheating.

You are lacking in life because you don’t know the answers, so cheat. Research makeup techniques that suit your face. Learn what type of schooling you must complete in order to begin your dream career. How much will that schooling cost you? Find out how you learn best, whether it be through visual aids or hands-on activities. Cheat by learning how to interpret body language and use it to your advantage in those tricky social situations.

Everything that is holding you back from your dreams, you must begin to learn. It’s safe because you aren’t doing anything yet; you are just learning and cheating. Knowledge is becoming power. You cheat by learning the tricks, and that knowledge will slowly build into the grand finish of my devious deception.

The last step you must take in the scheme is the bluff.   

The bluff takes the habits of lying and cheating and makes them into a lifestyle. Through lying you learned to believe in yourself and your dream. Through cheating you learned what it would take to make your dream come true. Now, you need to take action: bluff. Put what you have learned into action.

Have you mastered the theories of body language? Now that you know how to influence people through your body language, use your skills to convince that girl to go out with you. Now that you know you are a visual learner, begin studying with visual aids and examples. If cheating is talking the talk, bluffing is walking the walk over the rainbow and into the very, very green grass.

By successfully pulling off the bluff, you graduate from my school of schemes.

Through sincere belief and action, the lies are no longer lies. Now, having fulfilled your dreams, you can clearly see how true they are and have always been.

The cheating isn’t cheating; it is simply a way to help you learn what you need to know in order to bluff.

And the bluff is not really a bluff, either, because a bluff is false. When you have, through belief and knowledge, built a better future for yourself, it is not false. It is tangible and real.

It is the final stage in your change from timid, slow little worm into a beautiful butterfly. Of course, you were never a worm at all, merely a caterpillar ignorant of your own potential.

Now you shine where you once stood in shadow, and you fly where you once crawled. 

The whole point of my scam is to scam yourself. Of course, as you’re the victim of the scam, you do lose a lot. You lose your doubt, your fear and your discontent. 

As the con artist of the scam, you have the future and your own life to gain. 

Today, cast aside your doubts. 

Take your future in your hands and begin to lie, cheat, and bluff your way to become “a superb meteor” and leave your days of dust behind you forever. 

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