Last Updated: December 21, 2017, 3:48 pm

The Skewed Review: Utah votes Romney no matter what

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I’m voting for Mitt Romney, and so will you.

In all actuality, I still haven’t decided who I’m going to mark as my choice for president of the United States of America when I step up to the voting machine in November. Barack Obama-killed-Osama has done a few things as president that make me regret voting for him less.

He has pushed human rights in the past couple of years. He’s even changed his stance on marriage equality. When it comes to world leaders stepping forward and denouncing vitriolic and antiquated ways of thinking, I must say our president Ba-rocked my world.

But no matter how much I’ve been swayed back into B-Oba’s camp, it won’t matter come election time because I’m voting for Romney.

Let’s take a look at Willy Romney and the Corporate Factory and see what he’s done. He’s usually impeccably dressed, he’s a faithful family man, and he has the kind of money that makes everyone hate him.

I’ve noticed a lot of rich folks get a pretty bad rap in the U.S., but sometimes I think the detestation of the wealthy comes from our jealousy.

Those of us who demand the so-called 1 percent to pay more taxes get a review of a year’s worth of Mitt Romney’s salary. Oh, and we have to give it back when someone demands it. That way we’ll all at least know what it feels like to have a fortune taken forcibly away from us.

Do I think the rich shouldn’t pay more taxes? Well, I actually think they should. But, I’ve also never been rich, so I can’t speak on a rich person’s behalf.

However, that’s not why I’m voting for Rom-com.

Thanks to my (and your) geographical location in America, I could cast my vote for Roseanne Barr, Ron Paul, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Mickey Mouse, Lady Gaga or myself, and it still wouldn’t matter. Living in Utah means we’re all voting for Mittens.

Thanks to Utah’s being synonymous with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, the majority of our state’s population will cast its vote for Rom-knees-and-toes-eyes-ears-mouth-and-nose. And due to the nature of our country’s Electoral College (which isn’t even accredited, for Founding Fathers’ sake!), the majority of one state voting one way in a presidential election means the minority of the same state will be voting the same way.

I don’t have to rehash history. We’ve seen presidents elected in the past who actually didn’t get the majority of the nation’s vote.

I’m rating the people responsible for the Electoral College two presidential terms of talking to every single person in the United States. Each person must be asked, “Who should be president?” Then, the Electoral College faculty, which is presumably what they’re called, will have to tally up the numbers by hand. And when it’s all over, I get to take the results, burn them, and then tell the E.C. peeps that none of it mattered. 

That’s sort of how I feel when they swoop in and discount my vote.

Yep. I’m voting for Romney because I have no choice, and neither do you. So the question is: Should I even vote at all? Or should you? I’d like to find out what you think. Follow me on Twitter @TheSkewedReview and follow Dixie Sun News @DixieSunNews and let’s talk about #UnintentionalVotes4Romney. Since all Utahns will be voting for Romney, whether we like it or not, we should at least have some conversations about possible solutions. 

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